The Present

In this Christmas season, as I get ready to leave town to visit family I have been running around trying to get everything in order. There is a buzz in the air, traffic, shopping lines, etc. and it all can be exciting, chaotic, and/or a bit stressful!

I have been thinking a lot about presents as I gather my list of things I need to buy, what I will be baking, and even what I want for Christmas.

If you are anything like me – or know someone like me…I love presents!  It is one of my top love languages (I maybe have all five of them).  I love giving them and I absolutely love receiving them!  The idea of someone thinking about me enough to buy me something as simple as a stick of gum or a sparkly ring – I am always over the moon! I love Christmas because it is somewhat required to get me presents!

It’s funny to me how the word present means “a thing given to someone as a gift,” and it also means “being, existing, or occurring at this time now.” Coincidence? I think not!

At Christmas we get to celebrate the greatest gift we have ever received - God humbling Himself and coming as a child, giving His life for us so that we can live continually in His presence.

In thinking about the presence of God and learning about abiding in Him, I have come to the conclusion that it is all about the present! Father God, Son, and Holy Spirit long to meet us in every present moment! We are constantly one glance away from a full on encounter with the Trinity – we only have to choose to take a step into that particular moment.

Tis the season to be jolly, stressed out, financially strapped, depressed, and many other lovely emotions; or tis the season to be present. Present with friends and family. Present with our loving Father who designed us to do life with Him. What if we chose to be present? What if we put down our smart phones and looked into the eyes of Love itself or even looked into the eyes of the ones we love sitting right in front of us, begging to be seen or chosen?

If you haven’t been present this season, it’s ok. There is grace abounding and plenty of time. Take a moment now (or whenever you need to reconnect with Love) put your hand on your heart, take 3 deep breaths in and out, and let our Father be present with you.

Be blessed. Be present. And be loved.

Written by Bridgette, Los Angeles, California

Living by Faith in Relationships

3 Ways to Position Our Heart

Living in the unknown is one of the main reasons many people encounter anxiety and fear. I remember when I was involved in military ministry, I learned the uncertainty that military families faced while waiting for their leaders to tell them when and where they would be moving next. Once they received their orders, they were often asked to move within weeks. The families that thrived were the ones that saw the military life as an adventure and knew the decision would somehow work in their favor.

The military lifestyle reminds me of how we navigate life’s unexpected challenges. It is in these places of uncertainty that we give into anxiety and fear or lean into God trusting that He has our best interest at heart. We were never meant to carry the burden of walking through difficulties without relationship to our Father. When we begin to view uncertainty as a chance to draw closer to God, we can experience the adventure of the unknown realizing that God will turn everything around for good.

While reading How to Stop the Pain by Dr. James B. Richards, I realized this same idea of trusting God in circumstances also applies to our interactions with people. Just as life can be unknown, so can people. Not fully knowing others can lead to fear in our hearts about their intentions. When we encounter the fear of the unknown with people, we often attempt to release the anxiety by making judgments. However, when we discover God’s heart for the person and trust that He will protect us in the unknown, He takes away the anxiety.

We talk about living by faith during adversity, but how do we live by faith in relationships? Loving others often requires risk without the promise of a payoff. A while back, a girl that was in my circle of friends completely stopped coming around. Different people assumed she had either moved on, become busy, or had an offense against someone. It turned out to be none of those reasons. We later discovered she was struggling with depression and didn’t have the emotional energy to contribute to hanging out or having fun. How sad that instead of taking the opportunity to be there for her in time of need, we jumped to conclusions. Too often we personalize things when it has little or nothing to do with us. We can become so focused on our needs and feelings that we fail to consider the heart of the other person.

I believe as we invite faith into our relationships we can be free to take risks and love people the way that God does-without expecting anything in return. There are three different stances we can take in relationships which help us open our hearts and take the risks required to love people well.

1.  RECEIVING
Often, it is hard for us to receive because we have been so wounded by people that are supposed to protect and love us. Receiving requires risk because we are recognizing that we have a need and allowing someone access to our heart. When we are unable to acknowledge our needs, it blocks us from being able to naturally give and receive in relationships. Have you ever known someone that wasn’t self-aware enough to admit they had a need? This can be troubling because it is hard to contribute to someone that doesn’t see a need for it. It also becomes difficult to receive from this person because they are in a position in which they have little to give. When we fail to humble ourselves, and acknowledge that someone else has something to offer us, we miss out on the gift that God wants to give us through them.

The most obvious examples of people we receive from are our parents, mentors, or teachers. Typically, they have agreed to freely give without expecting anything in return. When the posture of our hearts is humility, we can also receive from the most unlikely people-the difficult person at work, peers, strangers etc. It is important that we acknowledge our weaknesses and need for love from others so that we can receive in a healthy way.

2.  GIVING
Giving is a major step of faith because it brings the possibility of receiving nothing in return. The reality is we all have times when we are unable to give back in relationships. There are also times when we choose to give knowing that the receiver is unable to reciprocate. I have a friend who is homeless. She is always in survival mode and in a constant state of need. While it is important for me to have boundaries with her, it would be unfair to place the same expectations on her that I have for myself because she isn’t equipped to live up to those expectations.

If we find ourselves consistently frustrated with people’s behavior, it may be a sign that we have placed expectations on them that they haven’t agreed to fulfill. As we pour out to others and let go of expectations, we can healthily give without needing anything in return.

3.  MUTUALLY GIVING AND RECEIVING
Certain relationships focus on primarily giving while others focus on receiving. It is important to know your role in any given relationship so that the expectations are clearly understood. I have found the rare friendships are those in which both people mutually give and receive to one another. These friendships are what Anne of Green Gables calls “bosom buddies”. They are the kind of people you can count on for fun, speaking the truth, and being there for you in difficult times. These are the relationships where someone allows you access into their life to give and receive. Oprah often asks people how many “real friends” they have. Most people typically say they have less than three. When we encounter these kind of relationships, they are worth holding onto.

God has recently been reminding me that above all else, He is asking me to love. This is the heart of the gospel and all that matters when everything is said and done. The only way we can fully love people is if we are willing to step out on a limb with God and release our need to understand people’s intentions. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” As we walk by faith with Him and trust that He can protect us from our fears, we can have unrelenting hope for other people allowing us to fully love the way that God does.

Written by Lacey, Los Angeles, California

Follow her journey here.

The Complex Emotional Life of God

Recently I heard a very well known Christian author and pastor talk about being criticized for claiming that God hates sinners.  He went on to quote Psalm 5 and insinuate that perhaps he didn’t even speak strongly enough, “You hate all evildoers… the Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man.”  Knowing his reputation as a sensitive and humble man, and seeing it there in black and white in everyone’s favorite Old Testament song book, I decided to hear him out, and thus began another attempt at understanding the complex emotional life of God.

If you grew up going to church like me, you may have grown up with a very one-dimensional view of God.  Maybe that’s the church’s fault, or maybe we are just simple creatures that can only focus on one thing at a time. Anyways, I grew up with a very heavy emphasis on the holiness of God.  And, to be honest, prided myself in being one of the faithful few who could bear the uncomfortable truth of a God who was holy, unflinching in his pursuit of justice, and consequently, angry with the world.  Of course, I was also taught that God is loving, merciful, gracious, compassionate, and caring, but I had a hard time seeing both of those sides of God at the same time.  One of the two, I thought, had to supersede the other.  At the end of the day, at his core, God was either a holy God who had a secondary sense of love, or a loving God who cared about holiness as long as it didn't mean anyone got hurt.  Based on what I could see at the time, I came to the conclusion that in the end, holiness triumphed over love.  And I held to that view for a long time, because it made God a little easier to understand and helped me understand my place in the world a little better.

I just about had all this figured out when I met a man named Ken. To this day, I’d have to say that Ken is the most openly loving person I've ever met.  On multiple occasions, within minutes of meeting someone for the first time, he would have them in tears just by virtue of him loving them so freely and indiscriminately.  Something about this resonated with my soul on a deep level as if to say, “This is what you were made to be.”  At the same time, it threw a wrench in my well-oiled theological machine and I knew that if Ken was right, I was wrong- super wrong.  Was it possible that God really loved people that much and that freely?  Or worse, if Ken was only a branch off the tree, that his love was only a small sample of God's?  And how was it possible that I was so far off course, if we were reading the same Bible and believing in the same Jesus?  After much wrestling, I came to the conclusion that Ken was right, and that God was indeed that loving.  But I also realized that I was not altogether wrong, and that God was still angry at sinners.  Very angry.  But how?  Why?  Who was the God I had been believing in, and who was the real God?  Was the God who brought plagues on the land of Egypt the same God who said “forgive them” to the people who were putting him to death on a cross?

It was at this point that I made a very important connection.  Somehow along the path of life, holiness in my mind had become synonymous with a stern, exacting old man who is always suspicious of people having fun (I always picture inspector Javert from Les Miserables).  When, however, I began asking Jesus, “What is at the heart of holiness?” I got a very different answer, and discovered that I was not the first to wrestle with this question.  As one man phrased it, “Of all the things in the law (the old testament definition of holiness par excellence), what is the most important?”  “Love,” Jesus responded, “To love God with all your heart, mind soul and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself.” Now, if I’m reading my Bible right, and God is no hypocrite, that means that God loves himself with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength- his entire being- and that he loves his smaller, less impressive neighbors, as himself (in other words with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength- his entire being).  Holiness and love were not against each other, they were one in the same thing.  At the heart of God’s perfection, justice, purity, righteous anger and all the other attributes I had previously associated with holiness, was a blazing, white-hot love that fueled all of it.  And when I saw that, I instantly understood why God was so angry (and yet with a completely different kind of anger than I had previously imagined)- why it could be said that he abhors evildoers, and yet in the same breath prays, ‘Forgive them.’

As difficult as it is to articulate, I will share a very insufficient example from my own life to explain how I am beginning to grapple with this paradoxical internal emotional life God.  There is a great organization here in my hometown that fights human trafficking around the world.  One of the ways they fund their organization is by running a small thrift store as a side business.  Very recently someone broke into one of their containers and stole a bunch of valuable stuff along with all the money they had there.  I was furious when I heard about it.  Victims of human trafficking are among the most exploited people in this world, and to steal from them is about as low as you can possibly go on the scale of human dignity in my opinion.  Whether or not the perpetrator knew who they were stealing from is not the point- the point is that they never gave a thought to who they might be hurting by their actions. They were completely blinded by the heartless and foolish monster of Selfishness.  And, at the same time, I felt a compassion for this person.  Who in their right mind would do such a thing?  What kind of twisted, broken place would somebody have to be in to break into a shipping container of second hand goods?  And how many times have I blindly acted out of the same selfishness, and hurt others in ways that I still may not even be aware of?  On the one hand, I was furious because I cared deeply about the people that were being hurt by their actions. On the other hand, I know that the perpetrators are themselves caught in a different but still very cruel form of slavery.  Then I thought, “If I, never having met these women or these petty criminals, am zealous for justice and at the same time care about their different kinds of suffering, how much must God be, who knit their ligaments and joints together in the womb and feels every subtle ripple of their souls?"  And if I can begin to see both sides of the story and realize how complex the situation is, how much more complex must it be for God, who sees every side of every story?

“Behold then, the kindness and severity of God…”

Anyways, the issue is far from resolved, but at least I hope I have moved another step in the right direction.  And if not, I at least am certain that the deep inner workings of justice and love in the universe are in better Hands than mine.

Written by Josh, Simi Valley, California

I Take It Personally

“I don’t know your life, but you’ve thrown it all on Jesus. You’ve gambled everything on Jesus. You’ve put all your eggs in one basket and that’s namely the leadership of Jesus. And I feel like God is saying, ‘I will not disappoint you. That you will not experience shame.’ And I sense the Lord is saying, ‘what you have done is precious to me.’ That you’re like the spies, Joshua and Caleb, that when they believed, Jesus says, ‘Oh, I take it personally.’ Cuz the ones who didn’t believe, God said, “they haven’t rejected you, they rejected me.” That’s such an interesting comment. He took it so personal. And, I feel like the Lord has taken it so personal how you’ve believed.”

On Saturday night, I went to spend some time in prayer at Pasadena House of Prayer (PIHOP) and forgot that it was their night of prophetic prayer called, The Well. People sign up for personal prayer appointments where volunteers and PIHOP staff pray for you one-on-one asking the Lord what he saying to you/about you. I signed up for a walk-in appointment and walked away incredibly encouraged. A man and a woman, whom I’ve never met, prayed for me for about 10 minutes. They knew nothing about my life or current situation, other than my name. My opening paragraph is a small snapshot of what they prayed over me.

What these people did NOT know is that I’m walking through a pretty intense season of trusting the Lord for His leading and guidance for my next steps, which also includes trusting him for my day-to-day provisions on a level that is, truthfully, quite uncomfortable for most, and if I’m most honest, for myself. I truly have put all of my eggs in one basket, and that basket reads in HUGE letters – JESUS.

I’ve been walking through this “season” for several years as I’ve ventured off the so-called “beaten path” of certainty and have dove into the possibilities of what it looks like to follow the dreams God has placed in my heart, even if the plans are not ironed out completely.  Plain and simple – Jesus isn’t just my backup plan – He is THE plan.

I’ve known Jesus long enough and studied his words enough to know that He is walking with me and will provide every the step along the way, even if it means I’m living off of the literal daily bread “The Lord’s Prayer” talks about. I know the supernatural provision of “daily bread” and feel incredibly “seen” and “known” by the Lord in those moments where He shows up with miraculous provision…yet, again. Every time he provides, it’s so personal – whether it’s a friend on the phone that asks, “Do you need money? Yes? Great. I’m sending a check.” or getting hired to watch a friend’s child, or do errands for someone, just at that time when I need the provision.

So, in response to the prayers prayed over me on Saturday regarding how Jesus takes it personally how I chose to follow Him, I, too, take it personally how He kindly provides and chooses to care for me. It’s a really crazy give-and-take/ win-win relationship. Though I do GREATLY desire stability and financial freedom, etc., those desires do not dictate my decisions as much as my desire to experience the joy of walking so closely with my Heavenly Father, enjoying His provision and protection on a very personal and tangible level.  I take it very personally.

How are you currently experiencing putting your trust in the Lord?

Are all your eggs in one basket (Jesus), or is your trust misplaced (in politics, relationships, the economy, etc)

What is one area in your life you can step out this week and trust God that He will provide?

Here are some promises I know to be very true in my life, as I trust Jesus and His leadership/provision:

Matthew 6:25-34
 No one can serve two masters. If you try, you will wind up loving the first master and hating the second, or vice versa. People try to serve both God and money—but you can’t. You must choose one or the other.  Here is the bottom line: do not worry about your life. Don’t worry about what you will eat or what you will drink. Don’t worry about how you clothe your body. Living is about more than merely eating, and the body is about more than dressing up. Look at the birds in the sky. They do not store food for winter. They don’t plant gardens. They do not sow or reap—and yet, they are always fed because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are even more precious to Him than a beautiful bird. If He looks after them, of course He will look after you.  Worrying does not do any good; who here can claim to add even an hour to his life by worrying?  Nor should you worry about clothes. Consider the lilies of the field and how they grow. They do not work or weave or sew, and yet their garments are stunning.  Even King Solomon, dressed in his most regal garb, was not as lovely as these lilies.  And think about grassy fields—the grasses are here now, but they will be dead by winter. And yet God adorns them so radiantly. How much more will He clothe you, you of little faith, you who have no trust?  So do not consume yourselves with questions: What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?  Outsiders make themselves frantic over such questions; they don’t realize that your heavenly Father knows exactly what you need. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and then all these things will be given to you too.  So do not worry about tomorrow. Let tomorrow worry about itself. Living faithfully is a large enough task for today.

Joshua 1:9
This is My command: be strong and courageous. Never be afraid or discouraged because I am your God, the Eternal One, and I will remain with you wherever you go.

Ephesians 3:20
Now to the God who can do so many awe-inspiring things, immeasurable things, things greater than we ever could ask or imagine through the power at work in us...

Psalms 84:11
For the Eternal God is a sun and a shield.  The Eternal grants favor and glory; He doesn’t deny any good thing to those who live with integrity.

Philippians 4:6-7
Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come. 7 And know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One.

Philippians 4:19
Know this: my God will also fill every need you have according to His glorious riches in Jesus the Anointed, our Liberating King.


Written by Molly, Los Angeles, California

The Upside Down

I was hanging upside down the other day and screaming and holding on for dear life when it came to me……I chose this.

I was riding a rather intense roller coaster with my kids at Six Flags Magic Mountain.  It is called Twisted Colossus.  You should click on the link below so you can see what I am talking about.  Every time I ride it I am reminded of the journey our family is on with Jesus.  Every time I am literally hanging upside down for what seems like forever, I think….I have to write about this!(Odd thoughts to have during a roller coaster ride) But, it is true that this is what our journey is like and, it is true that…I chose this. 

When I was in the second half of my 30’s….I rode a particularly rough roller coaster.  I came away from it with a headache and I was disoriented like never before. I pulled some neck and back muscles as well.   I told Chuck, 

 “Maybe 30-something is the end of roller-coaster riding for me.”  

But somehow, now, at the age of 47, I find myself regularly hanging in some twisted, abnormal position while traveling at 80 miles per hour in some type of open car.  There are multiple occasions where there is only this lap bar between me and certain death.  This bar holds me in this car…while we dangle upside down.  I am spending 85% of the time not even touching the seat on this one.  Especially on the 85 degree drop that starts it all off after a slow climb up the chain hill.

“If it is so scary, why do you choose to ride it? “  You may be thinking.

I ask myself this question mid-ride almost every time. In fact, I usually scream out, “Why am I on this?”   The answer wins out over fear and my age every time.  Because Micah and Benjamin jumped up and down and begged me to ride.  Because our whole family can ride it together and we share in one of the most terrifying and exciting experiences we have had together.  Because the danger of what is happening somehow amplifies the fun we are having.  There is something so glorious about screaming and yelling and hearing your children yell, 

“THIS… IS…AWESOME !!!!” that outweighs the fear.  And, if I sit on a bench while they ride, I never get to hear and experience this with them first hand.  I will only get to hear the stories of their glorious conquests, but I will not be a partner with them in it.  And that is not really living life.  It is not how I was created to live!  So, I choose to ride. 

I remember the first time we all rode it.  We finally jerked to a stop and we looked around at each other with hair that had been abused by the wind while our eyes were wide with the insanity of what we had just experienced. We were quiet for only a second when Chuck said to me,

“What just happened?”  

Then, we laughed and yelled and tried to talk about all our fears and favorite moments all at once, with voices that were hoarse from screaming and yelling.  

When I looked back over the ride, it kind of seemed like a 4 min. reenactment of our whole lives that I didn’t realize until God called us out of Berlin and into Los Angeles.  I’ve often felt like we have repeatedly agreed to get on a ride we were “too old for” now.  It certainly hasn’t been what I thought it would be. Our lives have been flipped upside down again and again with unexpected drops that were steeper than seem humanly possible. And, we have legitimately only been held in a place of safety by God himself.  He alone stands between us and certain death.  But when we stop….and acknowledge the shock and move past it….we can’t stop talking about how much fun we had, or how terrified we have been on this ride that God has jumped up and down and begged us to get on with Him.  

And then, we completely lose our “common sense” and consider riding again.  

The good news is that, at any point during a Twisted Colossus ride, I can look over at Micah and Benjamin and learn.  I often tell them they are crazy roller coaster riders because I see them….arms extended above their heads, their little bodies not touching the seats at all and they are screaming with delight….not fear.  They have relinquished all control, are totally in the moment of enjoying the ride, and their bodies sway and flow with the motions of the coaster.  It is the time of their lives.  They laugh and yell and even power through their own fears.  Benjamin has even said before the ride,

 “I’m afraid, but I’m going to do it anyway.  I know I will love it.”  

And I hear my own voice talking to Jesus in his same shaky, scared tone.  

So, what I have learned from their reckless abandonment of (seemingly) all sense, is that you don’t end up with a headache or strained muscles if you release control.  You enjoy the ride fully if you are not trying to protect yourself from injury and death.  You let the safety bars do their job because you cannot protect yourself anyway.  You enjoy the ride.  It might not be what you expected, but that is what makes it worth riding.  Releasing the control you never had to begin with is the key to being able to ride roller coasters at any age.  There is no time limit that says “you are now too old to ride” unless you simply choose it to be so.  So, I have learned (while hanging upside down) that this is just like our spiritual journey through life with Jesus.  At any age, He asks us (or asks us again!) to go on a crazy journey with Him.  And, the moment I stop trusting Him and try to “protect” myself, I strain something unnecessarily.  

And why would we choose this?  Why would we choose a journey where we can’t plan our future and we have no security and we can't protect our children?  Who would do that? Who would knowingly strap themselves into such a ride?  Weren’t we raised better than that?  Aren’t we adults?  Don’t we have a responsibility to our children?  What about the fact you are getting older?

We choose to ride because we know Jesus and we know that His protection and provision are the only ones that actually exist.  

And, He begs us to join Him because He knows that we are going to have a terrifyingly fun experience that will bind us together with Him and with each other that will give a solidness that the world cannot offer. Knowing Him so intimately is the greatest responsibility we have to our children.  When we are hanging upside down and twisting and turning through a maze of new experiences we realize….there’s no place we’d rather be.  

We find peace where we should find fear.  

We find security where we should find terror.  

We trust deeply and learn to be loved thoroughly. 

 And instead of hearing of the stories of faith, we experience them.  

We become the living documentary of the presence of God.  

Our passion shines gloriously obvious in the wildness of our eyes. 

And in laughter and tears and with voices hoarse from excitement, we jump up and down and beg others to lose their common sense and ride.  

Trust us…you’ll LOVE it.  

Take a Ride on Twisted Colossus!

Written by Della, Los Angeles, California

Follow her journey here.