Living by Faith in Relationships

3 Ways to Position Our Heart

Living in the unknown is one of the main reasons many people encounter anxiety and fear. I remember when I was involved in military ministry, I learned the uncertainty that military families faced while waiting for their leaders to tell them when and where they would be moving next. Once they received their orders, they were often asked to move within weeks. The families that thrived were the ones that saw the military life as an adventure and knew the decision would somehow work in their favor.

The military lifestyle reminds me of how we navigate life’s unexpected challenges. It is in these places of uncertainty that we give into anxiety and fear or lean into God trusting that He has our best interest at heart. We were never meant to carry the burden of walking through difficulties without relationship to our Father. When we begin to view uncertainty as a chance to draw closer to God, we can experience the adventure of the unknown realizing that God will turn everything around for good.

While reading How to Stop the Pain by Dr. James B. Richards, I realized this same idea of trusting God in circumstances also applies to our interactions with people. Just as life can be unknown, so can people. Not fully knowing others can lead to fear in our hearts about their intentions. When we encounter the fear of the unknown with people, we often attempt to release the anxiety by making judgments. However, when we discover God’s heart for the person and trust that He will protect us in the unknown, He takes away the anxiety.

We talk about living by faith during adversity, but how do we live by faith in relationships? Loving others often requires risk without the promise of a payoff. A while back, a girl that was in my circle of friends completely stopped coming around. Different people assumed she had either moved on, become busy, or had an offense against someone. It turned out to be none of those reasons. We later discovered she was struggling with depression and didn’t have the emotional energy to contribute to hanging out or having fun. How sad that instead of taking the opportunity to be there for her in time of need, we jumped to conclusions. Too often we personalize things when it has little or nothing to do with us. We can become so focused on our needs and feelings that we fail to consider the heart of the other person.

I believe as we invite faith into our relationships we can be free to take risks and love people the way that God does-without expecting anything in return. There are three different stances we can take in relationships which help us open our hearts and take the risks required to love people well.

1.  RECEIVING
Often, it is hard for us to receive because we have been so wounded by people that are supposed to protect and love us. Receiving requires risk because we are recognizing that we have a need and allowing someone access to our heart. When we are unable to acknowledge our needs, it blocks us from being able to naturally give and receive in relationships. Have you ever known someone that wasn’t self-aware enough to admit they had a need? This can be troubling because it is hard to contribute to someone that doesn’t see a need for it. It also becomes difficult to receive from this person because they are in a position in which they have little to give. When we fail to humble ourselves, and acknowledge that someone else has something to offer us, we miss out on the gift that God wants to give us through them.

The most obvious examples of people we receive from are our parents, mentors, or teachers. Typically, they have agreed to freely give without expecting anything in return. When the posture of our hearts is humility, we can also receive from the most unlikely people-the difficult person at work, peers, strangers etc. It is important that we acknowledge our weaknesses and need for love from others so that we can receive in a healthy way.

2.  GIVING
Giving is a major step of faith because it brings the possibility of receiving nothing in return. The reality is we all have times when we are unable to give back in relationships. There are also times when we choose to give knowing that the receiver is unable to reciprocate. I have a friend who is homeless. She is always in survival mode and in a constant state of need. While it is important for me to have boundaries with her, it would be unfair to place the same expectations on her that I have for myself because she isn’t equipped to live up to those expectations.

If we find ourselves consistently frustrated with people’s behavior, it may be a sign that we have placed expectations on them that they haven’t agreed to fulfill. As we pour out to others and let go of expectations, we can healthily give without needing anything in return.

3.  MUTUALLY GIVING AND RECEIVING
Certain relationships focus on primarily giving while others focus on receiving. It is important to know your role in any given relationship so that the expectations are clearly understood. I have found the rare friendships are those in which both people mutually give and receive to one another. These friendships are what Anne of Green Gables calls “bosom buddies”. They are the kind of people you can count on for fun, speaking the truth, and being there for you in difficult times. These are the relationships where someone allows you access into their life to give and receive. Oprah often asks people how many “real friends” they have. Most people typically say they have less than three. When we encounter these kind of relationships, they are worth holding onto.

God has recently been reminding me that above all else, He is asking me to love. This is the heart of the gospel and all that matters when everything is said and done. The only way we can fully love people is if we are willing to step out on a limb with God and release our need to understand people’s intentions. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” As we walk by faith with Him and trust that He can protect us from our fears, we can have unrelenting hope for other people allowing us to fully love the way that God does.

Written by Lacey, Los Angeles, California

Follow her journey here.