Their house was one of my favorite places in the whole world to be. They lived in the big 2-story house on top of a hill where my family had lived since the close of the Civil War. It was always a magical place to be. A rambling, old, 5-bedroom house filled with the relics, treasures, and possessions of 6 generations of our family. My grandmother never got tired of wandering from room to room and telling the stories of the people who had owned and used those things. There was a long balcony upstairs where we would drag out some old rockers that my grandparents began their marriage with in 1915. We'd sit in those rockers until late in the night looking up at the stars. Those very rockers were the ones that my "Nanny" had sat in while she rocked her babies...including my dad. One of those rockers is in my study today.
Mattie, the woman who had been their housekeeper and cook since long before my parents met, heard I was coming and had cooked all of my favorite foods for dinner that night. That meal would always crescendo with a thick slice of what our family, with awe and respect, simply referred to as "Mattie Cake"...three incredibly moist layers of yellow cake with a rich chocolate icing. I can close my eyes decades later and almost taste that cake!
After dinner, Nanny and I went out to a patio under the big trees beside her house. We sat there and watched the sun slowly set. She told me again of the people who had made their lives on that hill. She talked about her mother who had died of tuberculosis there when Nanny was just a girl. She told me again of her sister who had died the same slow, suffocating, death less than a year later. She talked about her only brother who was on his way back there from a trip to Galveston. He was running to catch the train that had started to move. He slipped on a wet spot on the train platform, fell under the moving train, and was instantly killed. She talked about raising four children there during the darkest days of the Great Depression. She gave birth to all four of them at home. That was the only option for women in that time. My dad came breech birth. I had heard the stories that you could hear her screams for blocks in all directions as she nearly died giving birth to him.
Finally, I had to ask her the question that I had wanted to ask for years. I said: "Nanny, I really don't understand you. You've had enough horror to walk through in your life to kill most people. Why hasn't all of that just crushed you? How have you managed to not only survive, but thrive, through all of that?!"
I usually carried a little plastic covered New Testament in my hip pocket in those days. She asked if I had it with me. I told her that I did. She asked me to turn to Romans 8 and start reading it to her.
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son..."
But, Nanny, all of that death, and loss, and pain, and work, and struggle--where's the joy in all of that? She just smiled, looked off toward the horizon, and told me to keep reading.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed..."
"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all---how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?...Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?...No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
It was my first time to really hear those words in context...all in a row. It would take me a lot of years to finally begin to understand the principle that "our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us". It's one of the toughest truths for people to absorb. It's one of the hardest promises to claim. How do we look back at all the pain and mess of our lives and smile? How do we face today without regretting and forgetting?
One of my favorite stories of the power of remembering our pain is in 1 Samuel 7. For 80 years the Philistines had constantly tormented Israel. Two of the Judges that God had selected to lead His people, Samson and Eli, had been powerless to do anything about it. When Eli died, God appointed Samuel to lead His people.
The 1st thing he did was to begin freeing Israel from themselves. The Philistines had stolen the Ark of the Covenant and put it in one of their pagan temples to their god Dagon. There are some great stories about the grief that caused them in 1 Samuel 5-6 that are worth the read! To say the least, the Philistines were more than ready to be rid of that creepy magic box of the Israelites and were more than happy to send it back home. Samuel put the Ark back where it belonged. God was restored to Israel. Israel was restored to God. Now they're ready to rebuild the "covenant" relationship between God and His people that is built on his Promises.
The 2nd thing Samuel did was to remove all of the things that the people had held on to instead of God. He toured the land and tore down all the altars they had built to other gods. He re-installed the Word of God, their Faith in God, in the hearts of His people. Now they're ready. "So, Israel put away all of their idols and served the Lord only." (7:4)
The 3rd thing he did was to lead them into battle. For 80 years the Philistines had brought pain and horror down on God's people. The strong man Samson had slaughtered 1000s of Philistines--but he never actually set his people free. The Priest, Eli, had taught wonderful lessons and improved the moral climate--but he hadn't set them free. Now, the people of God are God's People again. They're ready to face the battle.
Once all of that was done, Samuel stayed on the mountain to pray. He sent the people down into the valley to fight. Listen to how it works: Samuel prayed...Israel fought...Philistia fell. In the circles of recovery where I live my life we're taught that it takes all of those things to win our battles. First, "we seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God...praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." Then, "we carry the message to others...and practice these principles." Without both of those, in that order, we're going to lose.
"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, 'Thus far the Lord has helped us'." (7:12)
But, John, I'm really, really, bad. I've done terrible things. I'm so guilty. Okay, I'll buy that. I believe that's true. You are...I am...they were...we are...Guilty. The heart of our Good News is that those of who live "in Christ" live our lives in a Guilt Free Zone. "But God demonstrates His own love for is in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)
Do you remember how Jesus was criticized by the self-righteous church folks for hanging out with the likes of us? Do you remember His answer? He told them: "Healthy people don't need a doctor. Sick people do. Go and learn what this means: I have not come to call righteous people. I have come to call sinners to turn back towards me." No doubt those people deserved to suffer. So do I. So do you. I thank God for an Ebenezer. I thank God for a monument of truth that sinners like us don't get what we deserve. I learn from Ebenezer the completeness of God's forgiveness.
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly". (Romans 5:6)
When God promises us that "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)...He doesn't mean just the good things, or the smart things, or the happy things. He has the astounding ability to take even our worst things and work them together for His good and ours. Some of my greatest blessings, some of His greatest gifts to me, have come from directly from the fact that I come from those dark places. He has used some of my greatest pain to do some of His greatest good...in me and with me. Between Gilead and Mizpah God had his people to erect an Ebenezer so that they would never forget that they jumped into a very dark pit...God loved them even there...and lifted them out. He used all of that for His good and theirs.
So, today, I will not regret the past--nor wish to shut the door on it. In the words of a great old hymn: "Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by thy help I've come. And I hope by thy good pleasure safely to arrive at home."
Written by John, The Colony, Texas
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